im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
