Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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