i was born a porn star she said
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
