I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
