And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
