I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
