I seem to have left my pride at pride
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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