i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
