I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
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Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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