I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
