Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
