MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
