this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
