Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
