saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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