thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
