After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
