I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I look better un-naked...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
