Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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