I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
