I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
