Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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