If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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