i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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