Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
