It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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