Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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