I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
