I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
