she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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