when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
