your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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