Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
