youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
