Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
