I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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