Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
