i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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