he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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