New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
