Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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