ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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