My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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