I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
