The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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