note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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