he puts the penis in happiness.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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