Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
