we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
