I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
