I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
