uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
