Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
