my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
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The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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