4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
