I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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