Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize