I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
