If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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