I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
