Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize