when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the day after is always just damage control
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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