we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
