great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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