would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
