my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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