I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize