Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
