Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
